Most Punchable Face (MPF) 2018: Palpatine Region

Welcome to the first ever Most Punchable Face Tournament. Readers will eventually vote on which public face is most punchable. It’s pretty straightforward, folks. This is less corrupt than the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, and all entries and seedings are done by me, personally, with suggestions from my better half.

There are four regions. This one is obvious and has the overall number one seed. Here is the third region, The Palpatine Region and its members. The final region will be released over the next few days and voting will follow shortly after.

Without further ado, here are the top 16 seeds for the region.

1 Ted Cruz: It’s almost not fair. Rafael may have the most punchable face in the known universe.

2 Mitch McConnell: He’s a turtle who lies and consistently breaks promises he has no intention of ever keeping. No one seems to care.

3 Rand Paul: His neighbor beat us to it.

4 Lindsey Graham: Has anyone been more of an obvious blackmail victim? Railing against Trump one day only to golf and give him reach arounds the next.

5 Rick Santorum: Rick’s legacy, which he so desperately wanted to be about crushing LGBT people, will always be about a frothy material.

6 Marco Rubio: He posts Bible verses on his Twitter account instead of doing his job. 100% owned by lobbyists.

7 Chuck Schumer: Talks a big game and consistently backs down. He’s a Zionist’s Zionist, recently stating that disputed land belongs to Israel because it says so in the holy book they wrote.

8 Roy Moore: must be under 18 to see this content

9 Joe Lieberman: Droopy Dog has been out of the spotlight for a while now, but let’s not forget his love of all things related to bombing the crap out of brown people.

10 Tom Cotton: He once penned a treasonous letter to Iran as well as a letter to a constituent telling the person to stop contacting him. If eyes are the windows to the soul, his are quite tinted.

11 Jeff Flake: Stood up to Trump once he decided to run for president himself in 2020. He looks like he sells cars to used car salesmen.

12 Bob Corker: He looks like he should have some sort of life coaching consulting firm on a beach.

13 Orrin Hatch: Finally retiring to surround himself with more white people in Utah, Hatch has never found a supplement he wanted regulated in any way. He also recently linked fracking to quality of education, because he’s paid to say idiotic things by his lobbyists. He also likely believes what he says.

14 Sam Brownback: Through the magic of Evangelical Christianity, he managed to send Kansas back to the Dust Bowl.

15 Chuck Grassley: In the Senate since 1980, he’s Trump’s right hand man when it comes to trying to discredit the FBI. Blue Lives Matter, unless they’re about to uncover personal ties to Russia. The poster boy for term limits.

16 Cory Gardner: Mr. Thoughts and Prayers himself, he’s the fifth ranking Congressman representing the NRA, at $3.9 million in bribes received.



I was born and did things while increasing my mass.

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